Nothing makes me laugh quite as hard as when a man comes up to me and says, "Baby, I can put it on you. I can give you what you need. I got that good dick."
Please, spare me.
In the past, once I finished laughing in their faces, I realized I didn't have a witty comeback other than 'Get the fuck outta here.' Then, the following phrase and life philosophy was born:
"Sweetheart, with all due respect, I've had good dick, and I've had bad dick. Therefore, I've had every kind of dick there is in between by default. I already know what you're working with. That being said, what else can you do?"
This simple phrase and subsequent question usually leaves them speechless and they walk away. Perfect. But seriously, what else can you do? Can you change my flat tire and put oil in my car? Do you know the difference between a phillips-head and a flat-head screwdriver? Can you slice a whole watermelon? Can you fix my computer? How about install a shower rod, can you do that? Can you put together a functionally and grammatically correct sentence? Can you mow a lawn without streaks? I'm just sayin, what else can you offer me other than that lotus flower you call a dick?
Too many men lean on their sexual prowess to impress women, and to say the least honey, I am a little less than impressed.