Let's round out the night with one of my friends' favorite stories- Dread Wig.
The following story is true, with only a few details and name changes to protect the innocent and the endangered. Rare birds are endangered, after all.
One day, my friends and I had gone out for a night of partying. We were having a great time when we ran into this group of guys, also having a great time. The ringleader of said group was a short little man who we'll call 'Stumpy.' Stumpy had to be about 5 feet even. I was taller than him, and that ain't sayin' much, honey.
Anyway, Stumpy and I hit it off and we became great friends. We keep in touch still to this day. One day, Stumpy invited me over for a few beers and some barbecue. I went over, and we were joking, laughing, and having a great overall time.
At one point, I began to examine Stumpy's dreads. I said to him, "My goodness, those are the prettiest dreadlocks I've ever seen. I mean, they're jet black, even, and perfect! How do you get them that way?"
Stumpy looked down at his feet, chuckled to himself a bit, took a deep breath, and proceeded to slide the dread wig off of his head, baseball cap and all.
Now what the fuck part of the game is this, man.
After I recovered from my overall shock, the interrogation began. Naturally, the first question was, "Why?" He told me that his baby's mother had a lot of friends, and that he wanted to be able to go out and enjoy himself in peace.
Bitch, you're 5 feet even. You think they don't recognize you?? They see you bitch. And they're laughing at you.
Nevertheless, and like I said, we're still friends to this day. How could you not be friends with a rare bird such as this? And for the record, he doesn't wear the wig anymore. I think once he "came out" to me, he realized how ridiculous it was, and he stopped. See, checking in works!