Ah jail. Now personally, I don't think jail would be so bad. I'd get a break from all the bills, wouldn't have to go to work everyday, and have plenty of time to work on my writing. Plus, I'm ever so slightly insane, so I could thoroughly entertain myself daily within the confines of my own mind.
I couldn't do jail, however, because it is dirty and germ infested, and because lesbianism isn't for me. See Why I Could Never Be A Lesbian for further explanation.
If, however, you find yourself in the unfortunate circumstance of ending up in jail, I have a fail safe solution: Offer yourself to them. That's right, I said it, offer yourself to them. Go and find the biggest, baddest butch on the yard, and introduce yourself. Tell them your name and where you're from, and let them know you're available. Doesn't that sound better than getting your ass whopped and having it taken from you? You know you're not gonna win, so why not surrender? Just go get the honeybuns and the cigarettes and take it like a man or a woman. Might sound degrading at first, but at least you'll know you gave it away versus having it taken.