Lucas After Dark: That's A Whole Lotta Fuckin'

Have you ever looked out across a crowded stadium and considered just how much fuckin' went into producing all those human beings?  I mean, really stop and think about it.  Every single person you see in those stands is the result of some tired ass lil' fuckin'.

This is truly mind-boggling if you take the time to give it some serious thought.  Sex created all of these people, and I guarantee you most of it wasn't gratifying.  The sheer number of people on this earth makes it seem like human beings don't do anything else with their free time.  And we have the nerve to criticize rabbits.  Ha!

Someone Worth Reproducing

The other day a good friend of mine asked me "So when are you going to have kids?  You aren't getting any younger you know."  I laughed and calmly replied, "When I find somebody worth reproducing."  "Yeah I know what you mean, it's hard to find someone worth having kids with" she said.  "Oh honey, you misunderstood me.  I didn't say anything about 'with.'  I said when I find somebody worth reproducing, period."

Baffled on the other end of the phone, I explained to my friend that I will have children when I meet a man who is worth bringing to planet earth once more.  He needs to be such a great person that the world could benefit from him being here again.  And if he comes back in the form of a female, at least she'll possess his traits, which the world could use more of.

I think if more women thought this way, we'd have a lower population of idiots.  Instead, women carelessly reproduce children from men whose legacies really should end with them. So the next time you're thinking of "hooking up" with someone all wild and free, ask yourself if this person really needs to be here again.  I bet you'll reconsider.

The Look

If you follow the blog, you know I have an overall disdain for interactions with the general public.  It stresses me out.  I really think it has something to do with the fact that there are now too many people on the planet.  It's bound to get stressful.

Anyway, I'm in the grocery store today, and I found myself having to administer 'The Look' twice.  The Look is an effective tool used to communicate your complete and total disgust, with a person.  You must remain still while giving The Look, or else it's just a glance.  Your face must be devoid of emotion.  The Look is purposeful...and powerful.  

First, I gave The Look to this 10 year old girl who was coughing and heaving near the meat department.  You know the kind of cough that throws you into a wretch?  That's what this little heifer was doing.  I stood there and gave her The Look, as I was thoroughly disgusted at this point.  Wanna know what happened?  She covered her mouth!  That Look is something else, let me tell ya.  It shames people on site and causes them to correct their behavior.  

The second administration of The Look came while I was checking out.  This toddler was screaming his head off in the basket in front of me.  His momma just ignored it as I'm sure she has grown accustomed to this noise pollution.  So while she's putting her groceries on the belt, he's wailing, and starts looking all around her, looking for backup and reassurance.  He looked at me, and I gave him The Look which read, "You look so ridiculous right now.  No one is impressed.  Shut it The Fuck up."  Wanna know what happened?  He looked down, put his fingers in his mouth, took a breath, and ceased with the bullshit.  

I suggest developing and practicing a 'Look' of your own.  Trust me, you will need it, especially while driving.  

Wild Rabbits

Personally, I am all for the free birth control initiative.  I went to my local mall today, and left with the conclusion that the earth's population has reached and surpassed anything that is reasonable or necessary.

There are far, far too many human beings on this planet.  This is evident from the drive home in rush hour traffic or from the lines you have to stand in at your local Wal-Mart, and anywhere else for that matter.  And we keep making more.  


We need to get our numbers under control, because eventually, all these little people are going to grow up needing schools and jobs and shelter and FOOD.  And because the breeding efforts have gone awry in general, who exactly are we going to lean on to supply all these needs?  This generation can barely spell.

This is why I tell all of my friends and family to stay healthy- this current crop is not going to be turning out a whole lot of doctors and nurses.  And because there will be so many of them, I am already putting together plans for my cupcake factory, where I can put to work all the little dumb-bunnies who didn't pay attention in school.  All you gotta do is put the gumdrop on the top of the cupcake and send it on down the line.  Easy as pie.

If you were smart, you too would start making advanced plans about how you will capitalize on the abundance of low-skilled humans the world will be overrun with in the very near future.

Simple

Despite what you may think, I am actually filled with love and compassion, especially for the rare little birdies of the world.

Because of said compassion, I came to the conclusion long ago that some people are not dumb, they're just simple.

These people are unaffected and unburdened by complex or complicated thoughts.  Their life's aspirations really don't extend beyond the tips of their noses.  When they go to sleep at night, that's it!  They are not kept awake by cognition, nor do they wake up with the weight of the world on their shoulders.  Every day is fresh and new.

While this sounds desirable, the problem with being simple is that other people have to do all the thinking for your simple ass.  You are basically at the mercy of the non-simple, and don't have the mental wherewithal to challenge it.

Some telltale signs of a simple person are:  lack of eye movement, smiling for no reason, easily baffled, limited or no vocabulary, repetition of simple thoughts, actions, or ideas.

There is no known cure for simplicity.  Just put something shiny and bouncy in front of them, and they'll be ok.