Ever since I've started this blog, it seems that the rare little birdies are coming out of their nests in droves.
Today, I was in Kohl's picking up a few things for my trip to Iceland. I was a few people behind in line when one of the associates walked up and told me she could take me on a different register. I knew she was a rare bird immediately by the expression in her eyes.
So we get to the register, and it isn't working for one reason or another, so we moved to different one. I didn't like the way she moved my stuff, either. She handled it with no care; just grabbed it up the same way you grab up dirty laundry. I didn't appreciate that.
Then, we get to the next register, and that one isn't working either! Now, I'm getting pissed. I was already pressed for time, and I would have done better just staying in my original line. Those whores were already out the door, and I coulda been too.
Anyway, I take a breath as this bird leads me to the final register, which is actually working. She begins to ring me up when she became intrigued by the purse I was buying. In a Ms. Cleo kind of accent she says to me "Oooh, we sell dis' here?" I wanted to say, "No, asshole. You don't sell this here. I went and got it from T.J. Maxx and brought it allllll the way over to Kohl's to have it rung up. Of course you sell it the fuck here. Whatchu mean?!" But, much like how I didn't flip out on the seat jacker, I refrained, and didn't flip out on her either.
Then, she became distracted by my hair. "Oooh, your hair is so pretty. Who do it fah you?" "Thank you, I do it myself" I replied. "Oooh, I have to come to you now den ha ha ha."
Ha ha hell. I wouldn't do hair for your strange ass if you were paying me $1000 per service.
Finally, her rare ass became enchanted by different people as they were walking by. You could see them eyes just-a roaming. She was barely ringing my purchases up. It was at this point that I had had enough. "Bitch, if you don't focus the fuck on what you're doing and get me the hell out of this damn store. I am now 15 minutes behind schedule because of your happy, dumb ass. Please give me my receipt and let me go!"
I didn't say that to her for real yall. But I sure was thinking it.