Wednesday, August 5, 2015

The "Arch Your Back" Challenge

The world is slowly devolving right before our eyes and no one seems to be noticing.

The C students of the world have invented a new social media challenge called the "Arch Your Back" challenge.  If you've ever seen a stripper slide across the floor, or seen someone in the doggy style position, this is essentially what this is.  The goal is to create the deepest "arch" (which is really a dip, but C students wouldn't know that) with the ultimate goal of being, I dunno, I'm guessing a whore.

Idiots all over the country are now doing this and posting it on social media for likes.  I swear to God if I ever caught my daughter doing this I'd force her to stay in that position for no less than three hours.  While she's in it, I'm going to remove my shoes and rest my feet comfortably in the "arch" in her back, and watch one of my favorite television programs.  When she starts to cry, I'll remind her that these were her life choices, and she must find a way to come to terms with that which she has chosen.  By the time I let the little hooker up, she's be so stiff she'll be walking like a baboon.

I'm going to send her to school walking like a baboon, so again she can reflect on cause and effect, and how she managed to end up in that position.  Out here arching backs like you pay for something around here.  But what can I say, this is the end result of excessive breeding, in particular, the excessive breeding of C students worldwide.

C Students

The problem with the world is not the F students, or even the D students; it's those goddamn worthless, trifling, lazy, almost a loser but not quite, shiftless, mediocre, middle-of-the-road C students.

C students are a problem because they mimic B or even A students.  They can easily infiltrate an organization or your life, because they have learned to copy those just above them.  I respect the hell out of an F or D student, who essentially has said, "Fuck it."  At least they know who they are.  C students straddle the fence, and it makes life very confusing.

You know you've run across a C student based on their answers to basic questions.  Their responses are always generic, always neutral.  You:  "What is most important to you in life?"  C student:  "Living, laughing, and loving."  Shut the fuck up.  Can you come up with something a little more original?  You:  "What are your goals in life?"  C student:  "Just to be happy and be the best motherfatherfriendsistergirlfriendboyfriend I can be."  Lame, shortsighted, and insufficient.

This really is a learned behavior.  It started with essays in grade school and evolved into interview answers.  Interviewer:  "Tell me about yourself."  C student:  "I'm an excellent communicator with great customer service skills."  Kill yourself.  I'd hire an F student over you, any day.

C students hold the world back because they never choose a side.  "Well that's true for some but not for all."  Why, thank you, Confucius.  That was life-changing, earth shattering information.

Parents, if you find yourselves the proud owner of one of mediocrity's finest, please do us all a favor and just coach them down.  They'll be happier that the pressure is off, and society will benefit on the whole.  Better yet, if you were a C student, hows about not duplicating your borderline sorry life?