Rabbits

I am of the opinion that speeders are better drivers.  Naturally, I am very aware of the many accidents that have been caused by speeding, and the many tickets that have been issued, but usually there was some other factor involved.  Factors like, speeding and looking down.  Speeding and talking to your neighbor.  Speeding and texting.  Speeding and drinking.  These combos rarely work out well.

I'm talking about speeders who are of sober mind and body.  Speeders who are actively watching, planning, and predicting what these dumb-asses are about to do.  People who speed generally can anticipate what another person is about to do better than people who don't speed.  Why is this?

It's because when you're speeding, you know you're going fast as hell, and you have to pay even more attention than that asshole who's going approximately the speed limit.  Have you ever seen what happens when people see cops?  Suddenly, traffic that was moving so smoothly, comes to a screeching halt, and a lot of complicated and awkward driving ensues.  Probably a lot of rear-ending as well.

Furthermore, when people are driving slowly or going the speed limit, they tend to be more distracted because they aren't moving that fast.  They're more inclined to fool with the ipod or text or eat or, generally, not pay-the-fuck-attention.  When you're moving at a high rate of speed, you are a little more motivated to pay-the-fuck-attention.

I know some of you won't like this, and you resent those who go flying past you.  My advice is, use them!  They are your rabbits my friend.  If the speed limit is 45 and they're clearly doing 80, the cop is not going to notice you doing 50.  He's gonna go after the rabbit while you sail on by.

Driver Alert Systems

Recently, I heard about the many new technological improvements scientists and engineers are rolling out to, basically, prevent stupid.

Most of them were really cool and I can't wait to see them in use.  One of them tickled me greatly, though, and it is called the 'Driver Alert System.'

In essence, this system monitors how many times you've swerved, even slightly, out of your lane.  It also monitors if you've made some really dumb decisions, like cutting off another car or taking a corner too swiftly.  After one too many fuck-ups, the system illuminates an animated cup of coffee and displays the words "time for a break."

Rotflmao! I love it!  While they have to keep it clean, what this program is basically saying is, "Hey! Jackass! Get Your Non-Driving Ass Off The Road Before You Kill Somebody!"

Isn't is sad that computers have to take over because we can no longer be trusted to do the job.  Pretty soon, cars will be driving themselves since we just can't seem to get it right.

What Stupid Looks Like

If you follow the blog long enough, you will discover that some of my biggest pet peeves deal with people and their driving skills (or lack thereof).  Nothing enrages me faster than these damn bobble-heads who are attempting to navigate the road.

One of my favorite things to do when I finally have the opportunity to get out from behind a slow driver is look over and see just exactly what stupid looks like.  I need to know these things for future reference so I can catalog it in my mind and avoid people like them.  Funny enough, and after years of research, I have discovered that they all share one or more of the following characteristics:

1. old
2.  mouth open
3. both hands on the steering wheel
4. sunk way down low in the seat
5. lost
6. scared
7. simple
8. talking on that damn cell phone

Is talking on the phone and driving at the same time really that hard?  I do it all the time, and I don't depress my brake pedal to make it happen.  I just, ya know, pick up the phone and keep going.  I guess these fuckers can't walk and chew gum at the same time, either.