I'm starting to think I should stay out of the grocery store. Nothing but rare birds there. Today I'm coming down an aisle and a gentleman walks past me. He pretends to get something off the shelf, then doubles back in my direction. "Can you teach me how to coupon?" was his opening line. I conducted my Seven Second Analysis and decided I was engaged. But, being the polite person that I am, I thought I'd at least answer his question. "It's very easy. You buy the paper, clip the coupons you want, and use them." "Oh I see. I didn't really want to know, I just used that as an excuse to talk to you. Are you married?"
His subsequent question let me know that my analysis was correct. "Not yet, but soon. And from the looks of it, you're quite taken yourself." Homeboy had a gigantic wedding band on his ring finger. This shit had layers of platinum and what appeared to be black diamonds wrapped all the way around it. This woman wanted to world to know he was taken.
"Oh this? You didn't even ask me about this. If you had asked me I would have told you; This is just a memento." Oh word? A memento of what motherfucker? That little event you went to a few years back where you promised some random chick you'd stay faithful? The one where everybody got real dressed up? A memento of that? Do you go home to this memento every night, or is that just a memento too? The fuck outta here.
I had a good laugh at his expense and carried on with my shopping.