Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Independent & Resourceful

So I've got this issue going on in my car where the entire back right floorboard has gotten soaked.  Hell if I know how it happened, but I've been through at least 15 towels trying to get the water up.

At any rate, I took the car to the dealership to see if there was anything they could do to help me.  Unfortunately, their service department was closed, but their sex department wasn't.  Out walks this 6'6" man with a 5'4" belly.  "Hello maam, can I help you?"  So I start telling him about the issue I'm having and asking him what I should do to fix it.  We walk over to my car and I open the door so he can reach down and feel the floor.

The door opened, but there was no reaching.  He just stood there and stared at the floor.  "Yeah, looks like you've got a problem."  It didn't look like damn anything.  It looked dry, that's why I needed him to touch it and see how saturated it was.  But he didn't.  So I'm preparing to leave now as he was completely unhelpful when he says to me, "So, are you married?  Single?  What's your situation?  Let me take you out to dinner sometime."  I looked at him, looked at that satchel hanging off the front of him, and said "Suga, I'm unavailable."

Instead of him taking the hint, he continues on, "Well I ain't askin' for much.  I'm just looking for a woman who's independent and resourceful."  Again, I looked at him, looked at that deflated, flap-lopped, saggy belly and said, "Are you those things?"

How dare you ask a woman to be independent when clearly you're not!  You are very dependent on that belly and what it feels like doing that day.  What if you need to take off running?  Do you have that option?  All I can picture is a lifetime of you saying, "Baby, pick that up for me...."  And clearly you're not resourceful, because if you were, you would have done something about that little situation of yours by now.  Who honestly wants to live that way?  And above all, do you think I can picture THAT on top of me?  You ain't bringing nothin' home with that.  Nothing.  But you want a woman who's independent and resourceful?  The fuck outta here.

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