Dread Wig

Let's round out the night with one of my friends' favorite stories- Dread Wig.

The following story is true, with only a few details and name changes to protect the innocent and the endangered.  Rare birds are endangered, after all.

One day, my friends and I had gone out for a night of partying.  We were having a great time when we ran into this group of guys, also having a great time.  The ringleader of said group was a short little man who we'll call 'Stumpy.'  Stumpy had to be about 5 feet even.  I was taller than him, and that ain't sayin' much, honey.

Anyway, Stumpy and I hit it off and we became great friends.  We keep in touch still to this day.  One day, Stumpy invited me over for a few beers and some barbecue.  I went over, and we were joking, laughing, and having a great overall time.

At one point, I began to examine Stumpy's dreads.  I said to him, "My goodness, those are the prettiest dreadlocks I've ever seen.  I mean, they're jet black, even, and perfect!  How do you get them that way?"

Stumpy looked down at his feet, chuckled to himself a bit, took a deep breath, and proceeded to slide the dread wig off of his head, baseball cap and all.

Now what the fuck part of the game is this, man.

After I recovered from my overall shock, the interrogation began.  Naturally, the first question was, "Why?"  He told me that his baby's mother had a lot of friends, and that he wanted to be able to go out and enjoy himself in peace.

Bitch, you're 5 feet even.  You think they don't recognize you??  They see you bitch.  And they're laughing at you.

Nevertheless, and like I said, we're still friends to this day.  How could you not be friends with a rare bird such as this?  And for the record, he doesn't wear the wig anymore.  I think once he "came out" to me, he realized how ridiculous it was, and he stopped.  See, checking in works!