You see kids, life is all about proper planning and strategizing. While we can't always predict or control what it will bring us, we can make a concerted effort to have a plan in place for every foreseeable situation.
As I approach 30, I am coming to terms with the fact that I may never marry or find the life mate that I desire. It is what it is, and if I can have Oprah's money in lieu of a man, I'll be just fine.
I do, however, want to be a mother. I think I would make a great mom, and I absolutely need the opportunity to mold somebody from birth. Can you imagine the child that gets to be exposed to my philosophies and life mantras from the very beginning? Phenoms I tell you!
Anyway, since I may not have that devoted husband by my side, I have already come up with an alternate solution: I'm going to buy my babies. That's right. But I'm not gonna go about this all willy-nilly, oh no. My intention is to travel to the city with the highest graduation rates, and the highest number of college degrees per square mile, and pick up my sperm there. The way I see it, the people donating in cities like these stand a higher chance of being smart than cities where the graduation rate is low and there aren't many people who possess higher education. I am looking for a higher pedigree of bum. Call me what you want, but I guarantee my children will turn out more civilized than those functioning monkeys that treat Walmart as their personal playground.
Showing posts with label Walmart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Walmart. Show all posts
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Walmart
Words cannot adequately express or describe just how much I hate Walmart. It is a clusterfuck of humanity and useless products. Aisles are congested with people who won't move the fuck out of the way, and their children.
I have almost accidentally taken off the heads of several kids who were running by me at top speed. Why won't you control those little monsters? You feel like everyone has to share in the same misery that you experience everyday at home? That was your choice! Had you been more selective during the breeding process, you probably would have produced calmer, more normal-acting children.
And then there's the store itself. As massive as it is, you can almost never find anyone to help you. And when you do, they've got attitudes out of this world, or they aren't knowledgeable about where things are or what the products do. And speaking of the products,
What the fuck is all of this shit? Walmart carries more useless garbage than the law should allow. I never cease to be amazed at the resources that are wasted mass-producing bullshit. There really shouldn't be global hunger or homelessness, because we spend millions of dollars making sure things like 'silly bandz' are available to the general public. Why don't we redirect some of these resources towards creating jobs and getting people off of the street?
Finally, I believe Walmart is where rare birds come to meet and mate. All the proof I need of this can be seen in the video that was produced by "Mr. Ghetto." Honestly, the company should make rules regarding who is allowed to come in the store. While they're at it, they need to make rules regarding how many people can be in that motherfucker at one time. Surely, this is a fire hazard.
This is the main reason I go late at night, when only a few birds are around, and all the lovely little children are sleeping. If I ever reach the level of success that I intend to, I will pay Walmart to close and lock the doors so I can shop in peace.
I have almost accidentally taken off the heads of several kids who were running by me at top speed. Why won't you control those little monsters? You feel like everyone has to share in the same misery that you experience everyday at home? That was your choice! Had you been more selective during the breeding process, you probably would have produced calmer, more normal-acting children.
And then there's the store itself. As massive as it is, you can almost never find anyone to help you. And when you do, they've got attitudes out of this world, or they aren't knowledgeable about where things are or what the products do. And speaking of the products,
What the fuck is all of this shit? Walmart carries more useless garbage than the law should allow. I never cease to be amazed at the resources that are wasted mass-producing bullshit. There really shouldn't be global hunger or homelessness, because we spend millions of dollars making sure things like 'silly bandz' are available to the general public. Why don't we redirect some of these resources towards creating jobs and getting people off of the street?
Finally, I believe Walmart is where rare birds come to meet and mate. All the proof I need of this can be seen in the video that was produced by "Mr. Ghetto." Honestly, the company should make rules regarding who is allowed to come in the store. While they're at it, they need to make rules regarding how many people can be in that motherfucker at one time. Surely, this is a fire hazard.
This is the main reason I go late at night, when only a few birds are around, and all the lovely little children are sleeping. If I ever reach the level of success that I intend to, I will pay Walmart to close and lock the doors so I can shop in peace.
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