I Did Her In The Butt

Time to change things up here at Things I Tell Monica.  By popular demand, I am now going to start including pictures in my posts.  Some of the photos will be samples from the internet, but most will be created by me.  I may even add photos to some older posts, so be sure to view the archives -------->

Let's start off our makeover with a recent issue faced by one of my male friends.  He calls me, somewhat upset, over a girl he's dating.  I asked him to describe the problem to me.  Long story short, he had sex with this girl in her butt, now she's not returning his phone calls.

"Well, did you do something to piss her off?" I asked.  "No, nothing!" was his response.  "Well, was it falling apart prior to you having sex with her butt??"  "No, not at all!  We were actually doing really well before that." "Hmmmm....okay....well.....did you enjoy it?"  "Hell yeah!  That shit was great.  I really wanted to do it again."

Bingo.

"You enjoyed it too much.  That's a turnoff to her.  Now she thinks you like butt sex."  "But it was her idea!  She initiated, not me.  I was just going along with it."  "Yeah but you weren't supposed to like it.  She could tell."

The call ended with my friend worried that he had ruined a good thing due to his affinity for passionate butt sex.  He probably has, but don't worry buddy, there are other fish in the sea.

London 2012

Ok so I lied.  I've been hopelessly glued to my television since the actual Olympics started.  USA is doing so well overall, and I've seen some of the finest creatures I've ever seen in my entire life!  These thangs look like Greco-Roman gods!  Where is the world have they been hiding?

But naturally, where there is beauty, there are ashes.  I've identified yet another sport where you clearly have issues to want to take part in.  Shot put?  Really?  You literally throw shit for fun.  And you spin around in a circle to do it.  How in the world does one ever discover they have a knack for this?  What kind of anger issues are you working through in order to generate the necessary force to hurl that heavy steel ball?  I'm just sayin, don't you find it to be just a little bit strange?

Strange as it may be, I'm actually enjoying it all.  These people are truly talented, and should be an inspiration for us all to get up off our lazy asses!

The Olympic Trials

So the Olympic Trials are on and, much like the Super Bowl, I'm not particularly glued to my television.  I hear there's some real talent out there this year though, and I just might tune in for the gymnastics.

I did manage to catch a few track and field events, and aside from the javelin which looks like a massive spear of death just waiting to land in somebody's temple, I became intrigued by the sprinters and runners.  These men and women are nothing but muscle and speed.

It made me realize that anyone who can run that fast, who desires to run that fast, and who practices running that fast, regularly, has issues.  Think of the amount of pending energy inside a person like this..  They have got to get that shit out of their system somehow honey, and tonight it might be on your face, or worse.

Would you really want to date a man who can run that fast?  Surely there are some scenarios where this would not be beneficial..... I suppose maybe they date each other because who else would really understand?