Dirty Chili

If you read the last post, you are already aware that some nasty little bugs and their hosts are going around our office.  Sometimes I think they are in competition to see who can sneeze the loudest and the moistest.

In what has got to be the worst timing ever, we are having a chili cook-off on that same bio-hazard of a floor tomorrow.  Members from each team have been enlisted to prepare their best chili with the hopes of being crowned the champion and raising some money for charity.  Sounds perfectly fine and innocent right?

Wrong.  Today I overheard someone ask one of the Top Contaminators if she was making any chili.  With enthusiasm, she said "Yes!"  I already wasn't planning on having any, but that right there sealed the deal. This whore has no shame when it comes to spreading her illness.  She coughs loud with her mouth open and uncovered, sounds like she's dying, doesn't wash or sanitize her hands afterward, and refuses to take any medication to control it.  If she is that loose at work with it, I already know what the deal is at home.  She probably licks her spoons. 

With that, I shall not be indulging in any chili.  I will donate to the cause, but I shall not eat.  I also shall not be a victim of the abandon shit,  which I'm sure will be going down tomorrow when those tummies start burbling from all that chili.  

I can't do humanity.  

Cherry Blossom Tattoos

This following is a public service announcement brought to you by Lucas McKenzie.


Those of you who insist upon getting cherry blossom tattoos......please know that your tattoo looks like some sort of flesh-eating bacteria from afar.


This has been a public service announcement, brought to you by Lucas McKenzie.

Living Rocks

Recently, I was horrified to discover that a type of plant exists called "The Living Rock."

Now, Monica knows that I don't really like organic patterns or fungal things that appear in nature like mushrooms and mold......it's very hard to explain, but I will attempt to do so in a later post.  Just understand that it makes my flesh crawl.

At any rate, I was in a plant nursery the other day looking for some bamboo.  As I was wandering through the aisles, I came across this disgusting little plant called a 'Living Rock.' What's so gross about it, is that it really does look like a rock, but you're actually a leaf the chose to grow all rock-like and square and brainy looking and just........just fucking wrong.  The whole concept is repulsive.

There was a sign on it that said "This Little Plant Will Get A Lot Of Attention!"

Not from me, because seeing some nasty shit like that everyday would surely make me lose my appetite.

Spit

As unladylike as it is, whenever I smell something horrid, I absolutely refuse to swallow whatever is in my mouth, and I will spit.  This is because I know that the taste buds and the scent glands are intricately connected, which is the reason why you can taste your food.  It is also the reason that you cannot taste your food when you have a cold.

In my mind, if I am smelling something rancid, I am also tasting something rancid, and that just won't do.  I have to spit.  I have gone as long as 20 minutes until I could find a proper place to dispose of the contents of my mouth.  Judge me all you want, I have limited shame about this.

This is very similar to my behavior of breathing through my mouth when the scent overrides my faculties.  There are times when certain odors are so foul, so pungent, that I would rather let them enter my mouth than breathe them in.  Seems counter-intuitive, I know, but at least when I'm breathing through my mouth, I'm not aware of the stank-i-ness that surrounds me.

I bet you'll think twice!