You see folks, when you refuse to do what you're supposed to do in Kindergarten for Kids, you end up getting to go play in Kindergarten for Grown-Ups, also known as jail.
This wonderful new phrase was coined by a prisoner on a show called First Week In. It documents the first week of jail for newly minted convicts. To me, it is like a reality-TV style sequel to Beyond Scared Straight. Maybe more like a 'Whatever Happened To..."
At any rate, he was complaining about being told when to go to sleep, when to wake up, when you can eat, when you can't eat, when you can go to the bathroom, when you can come out of your room, etc. He then stated that is was like being in "Kindergarten for Grown-Ups."
After I finished laughing, I thought about how ironic it was that in you abusing your adult privileges, and showing your adult ass to the fullest extent of the law, you end up in a place where you are treated like a child to the fullest extent of the law. Crazy turn of events right?
So yeah, keep your nose clean, because if you end up in Adult Kindergarten, you may not like your playmates :-/
Showing posts with label jail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jail. Show all posts
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Yes, You Are
It always kills me when I see signs in public places that read, "Owner/Management Not Responsible For......" Just today, as I was leaving a gated parking garage, the sign said, "Owner/Management Not Responsible For The Malfunction Of Gate."
Well, yes, you are. If this gate comes crashing down on my car, you are very, very responsible for it. So responsible, that I will be waiting for you at your office before you arrive the next morning.
How can you say that you aren't responsible for the gate? It's your gate, isn't it? Isn't it your job to keep it in good working order? Here's a better question: If you aren't responsible, who is? Surely, you don't think it's me.
The same goes for grocery store parking lots. "Store not responsible for damage caused by shopping carts." Again, yes, you are. How you just gonna denounce your responsibility? If a cart hits my car, you absolutely ARE responsible for it. It's your job to control these things. If you are understaffed, hire more people to man the lot. At any rate, you're paying for this ding.
I think I'm gonna get a t-shirt made that says, "I Am Not Responsible For Anything I Do, Have Done, Or Will Do." You think that'd keep me out of jail?
Well, yes, you are. If this gate comes crashing down on my car, you are very, very responsible for it. So responsible, that I will be waiting for you at your office before you arrive the next morning.
How can you say that you aren't responsible for the gate? It's your gate, isn't it? Isn't it your job to keep it in good working order? Here's a better question: If you aren't responsible, who is? Surely, you don't think it's me.
The same goes for grocery store parking lots. "Store not responsible for damage caused by shopping carts." Again, yes, you are. How you just gonna denounce your responsibility? If a cart hits my car, you absolutely ARE responsible for it. It's your job to control these things. If you are understaffed, hire more people to man the lot. At any rate, you're paying for this ding.
I think I'm gonna get a t-shirt made that says, "I Am Not Responsible For Anything I Do, Have Done, Or Will Do." You think that'd keep me out of jail?
Friday, January 13, 2012
Beyond Scared Straight
One of my favorite TV shows of all time is Beyond Scared Straight. It is all about these little bad ass teenagers being taken to jail for a day, and essentially, getting the shit scared out of them. The inmates get in their faces, yell at them, take their shoes, make them do push-ups, and sometimes even make them cry. It is AWESOME.
I have just one problem with this TV show, and that is that they won't leave their little asses there overnight. Let 'em see what the business really is. Bunk them up with a dude who's serving 20 to life. When it's time for lights out, put their ass in a cell, close the door, and walk away. Make their parents sign waivers so they can't sue the jail.
Now this, this will scare their little punk asses straighter than that fake ass, restricted yelling the inmates do currently. I still don't understand why the inmates hold back anyway. Dude, you've got life. What else can they do to you?
Even though the kids crack and breakdown during the show, on some core level they know that these prisoners can't do anything to them for real. They know that there's only so far they can go with them. You need to let the inmates take it as far as they want to. I promise you, they'll never bring their little asses back to prison again. Bitch, after just one overnight visit, those little monsters will be saying "Yes maam," "No maam," "Yes sir," "No sir," "Please" and "Thank You." The smart ones, however, will simply offer themselves to the inmates, and avoid the thrashing their peers are getting in the next cell over.
I have just one problem with this TV show, and that is that they won't leave their little asses there overnight. Let 'em see what the business really is. Bunk them up with a dude who's serving 20 to life. When it's time for lights out, put their ass in a cell, close the door, and walk away. Make their parents sign waivers so they can't sue the jail.
Now this, this will scare their little punk asses straighter than that fake ass, restricted yelling the inmates do currently. I still don't understand why the inmates hold back anyway. Dude, you've got life. What else can they do to you?
Even though the kids crack and breakdown during the show, on some core level they know that these prisoners can't do anything to them for real. They know that there's only so far they can go with them. You need to let the inmates take it as far as they want to. I promise you, they'll never bring their little asses back to prison again. Bitch, after just one overnight visit, those little monsters will be saying "Yes maam," "No maam," "Yes sir," "No sir," "Please" and "Thank You." The smart ones, however, will simply offer themselves to the inmates, and avoid the thrashing their peers are getting in the next cell over.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Jail
Ah jail. Now personally, I don't think jail would be so bad. I'd get a break from all the bills, wouldn't have to go to work everyday, and have plenty of time to work on my writing. Plus, I'm ever so slightly insane, so I could thoroughly entertain myself daily within the confines of my own mind.
I couldn't do jail, however, because it is dirty and germ infested, and because lesbianism isn't for me. See Why I Could Never Be A Lesbian for further explanation.
If, however, you find yourself in the unfortunate circumstance of ending up in jail, I have a fail safe solution: Offer yourself to them. That's right, I said it, offer yourself to them. Go and find the biggest, baddest butch on the yard, and introduce yourself. Tell them your name and where you're from, and let them know you're available. Doesn't that sound better than getting your ass whopped and having it taken from you? You know you're not gonna win, so why not surrender? Just go get the honeybuns and the cigarettes and take it like a man or a woman. Might sound degrading at first, but at least you'll know you gave it away versus having it taken.
I couldn't do jail, however, because it is dirty and germ infested, and because lesbianism isn't for me. See Why I Could Never Be A Lesbian for further explanation.
If, however, you find yourself in the unfortunate circumstance of ending up in jail, I have a fail safe solution: Offer yourself to them. That's right, I said it, offer yourself to them. Go and find the biggest, baddest butch on the yard, and introduce yourself. Tell them your name and where you're from, and let them know you're available. Doesn't that sound better than getting your ass whopped and having it taken from you? You know you're not gonna win, so why not surrender? Just go get the honeybuns and the cigarettes and take it like a man or a woman. Might sound degrading at first, but at least you'll know you gave it away versus having it taken.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)