Leave From Jail

Frequent readers of the blog know that I used to be a public school teacher.  Words cannot express the JOY I feel at the fact that I now get to use the words "used to" instead of "am."

Teaching was nothing short of a waking nightmare.  I really should devote an entire book to it while the wounds are still fresh.  There is nothing quite like trying to force/convince/bribe/beg/threaten/coax humans to do something that really is to their own benefit.  There is also nothing like being held accountable for circumstances you have no control over.  Finally, there really isn't anything like not being paid what you're worth, with no hope of salary increases in the near future.  

I absolutely refused to give my life and my youth to this profession.  I admire anyone who does, for they truly are modern day martyrs.  

Anyway, today, one of my coworkers asked me if I regret giving up my summers and my spring breaks.  The short answer to his question was Hell-To-The-Fuck-No I Don't Regret That Shit!  It was awful!

Furthermore, our breaks weren't really breaks because we knew we had to go back.  It's almost like getting a leave of absence from jail.  Sure, you get to go home for 3 months, but you've gotta go right back and be locked up for another 9.  How then, is that 3 month reprieve, enjoyable?

I can't speak for the whole country, but where I'm from, teachers are given the dog's end of the stick.  All the power lies with the student.  If Little Johnny doesn't do his homework, guess who's fault that is?  The teacher's! Because clearly she didn't motivate him enough to do his homework.  I actually had a principal say this to me once.  I'm sorry, but isn't it the PARENT'S job to motivate their child after school hours??  Or here's a thought, hows about the child motivating himself! Gasp!  It took everything in me not to ask said principal, "Would you like me to wipe his ass for him too?"  

With that said, walking away was probably one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.  The sad part is, I was a damn good teacher.  I don't have kids yet, but when I do, homeschooling is looking like a fine option.  

Whole Student?

I was having a conversation with my mother the other day, and she was telling me about how the school system is going downhill in the city where I'm from.  This didn't surprise me, as I used to teach in that nightmare.

She started telling me about how this one school fired its whole staff: principal, assistant principal, teachers, admin, cafeteria staff, janitors, everybody.  They literally fired the whole staff.

It was at this point I asked my mother, "Are they planning on firing the whole student?"  She laughed, but I was serious.  You wanna sit here and fire the whole staff, when you really need to fire the whole student.  They are the ones who refuse to complete or turn in homework.  They are the ones who come unprepared to class.  They are the ones who are multiple grade levels behind.  They are the ones who raise pure hell and won't allow the teacher to teach.  People have no idea what teachers are up against these days.

Until they fire the whole student, the system will never change.  One day, one of my students told me, "Ms. McKenzie, my homie lived ignorant, he died ignorant, and imma be ignorant, too!"  Outstanding.  Now you sit here and you pass this standardized test?

Let's give credit where credit is due, and spread that blame proportionately, with a healthy share going to those lazy little bastards, who truly make teaching a miserable endeavor.

Gifted To Teach

I came to the conclusion a long time ago that every body is not gifted to teach.  This is something that truly comes from within, and you either have the gift, or you don't.

One of my biggest aggravations comes from people who do not possess the gift.  They get up there and try, bless their hearts, but to put it as nicely as I can, they suck.

Now for those of you who don't know, I used to be a teacher, and a damn good one at that.  My mother was also a teacher, so this is probably where the gifting comes from.  That being said, I feel like I can comment fairly on the non-teaching assholes our planet is plagued with.  Just like how it's easy to identify stupid, it's fairly easy to point out a particularly bad teacher:

1.  Stand The Fuck Up.  Why are you sitting down?  The only time I will excuse this is when you have an ailment or an injury, or a condition like pregnancy.  Other than that, you need to be on your feet.  When you sit and teach, my brain sits and learns.  You don't seem enthusiastic.  You don't seem into it.  I need you to be into it, otherwise, why should I be into it?

2.  Wake The Fuck Up.  Similar to when you're sitting down, I can tell when you have low energy.  I understand you're exhausted, believe me, but your students don't need to understand that too.  When you're exhausted, I'm exhausted, and it makes this boring-ass material even harder to learn.  Chug some coffee or an energy drink and come back to life, please.

3.  Shut The Fuck Up.  Unless the story you're about to tell is a good one, please don't tell it.  No one cares about your personal life unless it is relevant, or just that good of a story.  Other than that, honey, please hush.

4.  Recognize When You Are Losing Your Audience.  You see us going to sleep, please stop trying to act like you don't.  And what do you do when you see us slipping?  You keep right on with the same program that put us to sleep in the first place.  Why not add some variety?  You really don't have to help make the subject matter boring.

In closing, regardless of how awful a teacher is, I still have the utmost respect for them.  I know how hard it is to get up and put on a show everyday.  But for the love of everything holy, when you know that you are not operating within your calling, please go sit down somewhere.  On second thought, stand up!