The Donkey-Dicked Strut

There is a certain walk a man possesses when he really has his shit together and believes in it.  This walk is called the Donkey-Dicked Strut.

The Donkey-Dicked Strut originated by possessors of said donkey-dicks.  The stride is cool and easy, never hurried.  There's a grace and a rhythm to it.  This person doesn't appear to have a care in the world, and why should they?  They have donkey-dicks! 

Pretty soon, average sized men started to realize that 90% of the reason men with the DDS were more successful than them was all in the attitude these guys possessed.  They learned from their sisters and other female friends that most women don't really want donkey-dicked fools, and that those who have donkey-dicks don't know how to work them half the time.  These men realized that if they could just mimic the walk, success would surely follow.  

And the Donkey-Dicked Strut was born.  There is a guy in my office with a Donkey-Dicked Strut.  He walks around the place like he has not a care in this world.  They could fire him and he'd stroll out of there at the same pace he strolled in.  Totally unfazed.  Rather he has a donkey dick or not, who knows?  All that matters is he comes across like he does!  

Practice makes perfect, so work on your Donkey-Dicked Strut, everyday!

Throwing The Dick With Confidence

I've been trying to keep up with my online dating lately, and the online dating scene is a pitiful sight to see.  It is filled with grown men who've never grown up, thirsty wannabees, strange, precious, rare birds, the disenfranchised, and outright losers.  I think I hate it so much because everyone is essentially selling themselves, and they're not doing a good job at it.  There's such a pathetic desperation behind each profile, with the exception of a rare few.

Among the lump are a few men who don't look like they can throw the dick worth a damn.  They stand there with their lips poked out and a look on their face that reads "Love me, please?"  I will not love you, because you sir, don't even look like you satisfy yourself.  I need a man who looks and acts like he can throw the dick with some confidence!  A man who stands up straight, not hunched over and all scared lookin.'  A man who allows his whole face to be seen.  A man who cares enough to get that gut in order.  A man who looks like his life is headed in the right general direction.

Now, a few of my readers have accused me of hating men, and I assure you this is not the case.  I love men, I hate what they've become.  This is one sorry ass crop these women turned out about 30 years ago.  They should collectively be ashamed of themselves.  If you are a good man who's reading this, be a light unto your male community, please, for us all.  Inspire some of those shiftless friends of yours to be a little better.  Otherwise, who will your daughters marry?

Competing For Dick (You Are Not The Prize)

I feel really sorry for single women in today's dating market.  Truly, there are slim pickings.  If the men aren't busy wearing dread wigs, sending dick pics, or taking shirtless photos, they're highly eligible, and therefore, scarce.

With this scarcity comes competition, and it has created a whole host of highly feminized men.  Feminized in the sense that they want to be pampered, catered to, coddled, chased, and essentially, courted.  

With all due respect, Bitch, you are not the prize.

I absolutely refuse to compete for dick.  Why should I? I am the prize, not you.  You should be competing for me, the way nature intended.  If more women would adopt this philosophy, their lives would be ten times happier.  Instead, they enter into these petty little competitions with each other while this fool sits back and reaps all the benefits.  Damn that.  

Ladies, the next time you find yourselves in a situation like this, kindly look at your competitor and say, "You got it" and walk away.  That'll knock that ego down a few notches.  

The Dick Pic

Recently, the question was posed to me, "When is it ever okay to send a dick pic?"

The short answer to this question is- Never.  I don't know many women who actually appreciate this form of artistry.  Personally, I hate dick pics.  They do absolutely nothing for me.  They look like fleshy little mushrooms, arced towards the sun.  It's gross.

Further, it always leaves me with the question, "Is that all there is?"  Not in terms of size, because truly, no one wants a donkey-dicked n*gg* (more to come on this topic later).  I mean in terms of, what else do you have to offer?  Because right now, all you have to offer is a dick and a smile, and honestly honey, I'm good.

Also, you give me an advance opportunity to turn that funky little mess down, and you don't want that now, do you?

So the moral of this story is, put ya dick away son.  Nobody wants to see that.