Kindergarten For Grown-Ups

You see folks, when you refuse to do what you're supposed to do in Kindergarten for Kids, you end up getting to go play in Kindergarten for Grown-Ups, also known as jail.

This wonderful new phrase was coined by a prisoner on a show called First Week In.  It documents the first week of jail for newly minted convicts.  To me, it is like a reality-TV style sequel to Beyond Scared Straight.  Maybe more like a 'Whatever Happened To..."

At any rate, he was complaining about being told when to go to sleep, when to wake up, when you can eat, when you can't eat, when you can go to the bathroom, when you can come out of your room, etc.  He then stated that is was like being in "Kindergarten for Grown-Ups."

After I finished laughing, I thought about how ironic it was that in you abusing your adult privileges, and showing your adult ass to the fullest extent of the law, you end up in a place where you are treated like a child to the fullest extent of the law.  Crazy turn of events right?

So yeah, keep your nose clean, because if you end up in Adult Kindergarten, you may not like your playmates :-/

Death Adder

I was in the convenience store today looking for some Snapple (Nectarine White Tea to be exact) when I ran across a hellish energy drink, disturbingly named "Death Adder."

Now, I am a fan of the energy drink.  I see nothing wrong with the occasional boost needed to sit through your day.  But Death Adder?  Dayyyum!?

You must really be going through something to drink ANYTHING entitled Death Adder.  More than what it might do to you, what might you do to others after consuming such a beverage?

I hope this gets pulled from the shelves soon, but I might buy a can just as a collectible/keepsake.  In 20 years, no one will believe this shit really existed.  

Mob Wives

I love the TV show Mob Wives, because it gives the whole world an opportunity to see that 'ghetto' comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

On tonight's episode, one of the main character's daughters asked her so innocently, "Mommy, have you ever been in a fight?" *Record screeches to a halt*

The producers were then kind enough to flash back all of the recent altercations this woman has been in.  As she sat there with this shook look on her face, I wanted to pull her little girl to the side and say,

"Sweetheart, that's all mommy does.  And often.  Mommy likes to fight!"

Her mother managed to avoid the conversation altogether, as she got a phone call from her incarcerated ex-hubby.

I guess it's best to let a child be a child as long as they can.  In due time, she will discover her mom's thuggery via the internet and endless hours of VH1 playbacks.

The Accidental Racist

I think we all know at least one certified, card-carrying racist.  The ones who hate and hate proudly, with zero to no shame.  This post is not about them.  This post is about the people who are racist, and don't even know it.

Several times over the past few weeks I've encountered The Accidental Racist.  These people make statements that they don't realize make them seem like Hitler's 2nd cousins.  

For example, today at work, I overheard a woman say to another coworker, "Yeah, it's a great nail shop.  Everybody there is really friendly and they do an amazing job.  They're all Asian, but they speak really good English.  I think you'll like it."

Umm........M'kay......... Soooo.......Uh.......Yeah.  How do you even respond to that?  Are you suggesting that most Asians who work in nail shops don't speak "good English?"  They might speak perfect English, but choose not to do so around your semi-racist ass.  

Then there was our guest speaker, who was teaching us about billing and coding.  She was trying to get us to understand how sometimes businesses keep P.O. boxes in other zip codes to benefit from higher billing in those areas.  Her story went a little something like this:

"Well you know how in California there's a high population of Hispanics?  Ok well, this clinic, I think it's name was Clinica del' Rio..... or something like that, I don't remember.  Anyway, they had a P.O. box in Beverly Hills, but their practice was 50 miles away!  Can you believe that?"

Well, yes I can believe that, but I don't follow how that has anything to do with the high population of Hispanics in California??

I don't even get mad at them.  They're baby racists, they don't mean any harm.  

  

Yes, You Are

It always kills me when I see signs in public places that read, "Owner/Management Not Responsible For......"  Just today, as I was leaving a gated parking garage, the sign said, "Owner/Management Not Responsible For The Malfunction Of Gate."

Well, yes, you are.  If this gate comes crashing down on my car, you are very, very responsible for it.  So responsible, that I will be waiting for you at your office before you arrive the next morning.

How can you say that you aren't responsible for the gate?  It's your gate, isn't it?  Isn't it your job to keep it in good working order?  Here's a better question: If you aren't responsible, who is?  Surely, you don't think it's me.

The same goes for grocery store parking lots.  "Store not responsible for damage caused by shopping carts."  Again, yes, you are.  How you just gonna denounce your responsibility?  If a cart hits my car, you absolutely ARE responsible for it. It's your job to control these things.  If you are understaffed, hire more people to man the lot.  At any rate, you're paying for this ding.

I think I'm gonna get a t-shirt made that says, "I Am Not Responsible For Anything I Do, Have Done, Or Will Do."  You think that'd keep me out of jail?